Definition: an advantage, right, or benefit that is not available to everyone
Today, I had my regularly scheduled therapy appointment. It feels strange for me to tell you that I am glad I had a therapy appointment but, I am. I am currently cycling through an episode of depression. My episodes, just like yours, can vary in severity. My therapist and I use a scale of 1-10; 10 being intense mania and, 1 being severe depression to rate where my mental illness is at the time. Today, my mental illness is a 2. With my mental illness in such a deep depression, I am experiencing all of the emotions that accompany it. I am lonely. I am discouraged. I feel defeated and deflated. I feel useless. I feel empty and exhausted. I live in fear. I worry about the world’s suffering and how we are going to fix it. I feel hopeless. I feel worthless. I know I am a disappointment. I want to disappear.
As I said, I am glad I had a therapy appointment today. It was good timing. I was able to talk about my feelings openly. I was able to be honest without being judged. I was given comfort. I was given encouragement. I was given support. I received exactly what I needed to help push me forward. At the very end of our session, my therapist looked at me and said, “You know, hope never dies.” My eyes started to well-up with tears. She continued by saying, “Hope may take off for a while, but it does come back.” I looked at her with tears streaming down my face and said, “It does not feel that way.” She responded very lovingly saying, “I know it doesn’t feel that way to you now. I know you feel like you will never see or experience hope again. I want you to know that I can see your hope and I would be privileged to hold on to it until you can see it again.”